Control. Why I want it and why it's so hard to surrender it.

Whew! I am delving into a deep issue here, but I feel it's a good one to talk about.

I can't speak for everyone, but I know I struggle with control issues. The most recent ones have concerned the health and safety of this sweet family of mine. Sometimes I toss and turn at night entertaining thoughts that are birthed from my own human, fallen mind (or worse, from our annoying enemy). 

I worry about Micah- is she warm enough? Is she too warm? Is she breathing? Is she eating enough? Is she reaching her milestones? The list goes on...

I worry about Kirk- is he feeling ok? Is he still trusting God with our finances and future? Did we make the right decision in coming to Scotland?

... and I worry about myself? Am I always going to be able to take care of Micah? Will my health stay as strong as it is? What if something happens to me? 

Do you know what my conclusion is? I know that all of these thoughts are a "normal" part of life, but I don't want to just let them pass by without actively fighting them by (ironically enough) handing them over to Someone who is far more capable to carry these and face them head-on.

I don't want to be this way (speaking in reference to my previously mentioned issue), but I'm not going to beat myself up about it. I'm learning how to receive grace in my weak moments and choose to trust God and His faithfulness and sovereignty in our lives.

The truth is I have no idea what may or may not happen to us today, tomorrow, or 5 years from now. One thing I can say (confidently) is that spending night after night wrestling and thinking I can direct us will only leave me more anxious, tired, and afraid.

Thank you, Lord, for giving us a way out of our fearful, worried condition. Thank You for holding our lives and our days in your hands! Thank you that your grace (by definition) gives us room to grow.

My prayer for all of us is that we may live more trusting, hope-filled lives. I pray that we may face each new day with one expectation- that God is already there greeting us, and He always will be. 

But now thus says the Lord,
he who created you, O Jacob,
    he who formed you, O Israel:
“Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
    I have called you by name, you are mine.
2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
    and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
    and the flame shall not consume you.
3 For I am the Lord your God,
    the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.

Isaiah 43: 1-3a