Life is precious. No, seriously- It is!

Over the past week, I have become keenly aware that our time on earth is short, our next day is not guaranteed, and the crap that we allow ourselves to hold against another is not worth the energy we spend on it.

Kirk lost his grandad, and our pastor in Scotland lost his brother. My heart grieves for these families, and I am now, more than ever, awakened to the painful reality that people pass away- people who were loved, laughed with, cried with, adventured with, eaten with, you name it. All too soon, we can easily forget the preciousness of these seemingly mundane moments with those we love.

The truth is that moments matter. Even the moments we spend being aggravated about some idiosyncrasy someone may have- they matter. I'm convinced that it's best to deal with these aggravations ASAP and move on to getting back to the said 'moments' with those we love. 

I want to love hard. I want to love with no regrets. I want to go to bed celebrating the moments I get to spend with people, instead of racing through all of the times I could have sounded cooler or looked better in my day. I am challenged to keep this revelation (for lack of a better term) in my heart and mind as I wake up and greet the day. 

May we all love hard. May we all love with  no regrets. May we all truly be in the moment with the people we love (and even those who may be hard to love).

This post is written in loving memory of Avery Patterson and Jordan Lewis. I know you will both be missed greatly.

Oh, today... I love you!

Today has been one to remember. The sun and the spontaneous family moments in the park have reminded me of the beauty of the 'simple things' in life. I have never been more thankful for something so small, but the sunshine has  been a huge boost for me over the past couple of days. It really is healing- body, mind, and soul!

Today I am thankful that no matter where we end up after this year abroad, we will be together as a family. Even if we go to another rainy place, I will just look forward to days like today and moments like these:

For now, I'm soaking it in and enjoying these precious people! I'm a happy mama! Thank you, Father!

Embracing Plan 'B'

 Today was an adventure!

I have spent the majority of this week indoors, as I just felt like we have been out and about quite a bit lately. It has been a cozy week, but at some point, mamas and babies come down with a bad case of cabin fever! The 'only prescription' today was out-ness. 

Micah and I set out to leave for our pretty long bus ride, and I decided to put her in the carrier, because I know stroller space is limited (think of The Amazing Race, but with moms). I thought I was being clever by wearing her, but about halfway through the ride, she got surprisingly quiet and buried her head in my shirt. When she came back up, my shirt had been decorated with beautiful shades of cauliflower and sweet potato. I cleaned her up, thankful that it had passed, and 5 minutes later it happened again! Yes! I've always wanted more tye dye in my life! 

We had a great time with Lois, who graciously lent me a sweatshirt, and around 4:00, we set out for another bus adventure. This time it was raining, the bus wasn't coming for 15 more minutes, I neglected to bring an umbrella, and there was no room under the awning. Yes! Awesomeness... not my favorite scenario!

Once we got on the bus, Micah started crying, so I thought she was hungry. I fed her, praying that it would calm her down, and then my little motion-sick baby started up again! At that point, I was DONE! I got off the bus, stood in the rain and waited for a taxi. I knew she might yak again, but I couldn't bear the stops and starts of the bus anymore, and I knew she couldn't. 

The taxi showed up quickly, and we didn't have any cash to pay him.  Yes! More awesomeness! Thankfully, Kirk was still home when I got there so he could take care of it (true awesomeness). He left hastily after that to go preach somewhere, and then MG and I started her nighttime routine. After all of the travel madness, I was a little nervous about putting her down, but she fell asleep peacefully, and I am in my third sweatshirt of the day! 

I guess being a mom is all about embracing plans B, C, and even Z. I learn a bit more about that every day. Gotta love this job!

Even on 'awesome' days, this picture sums it up:

The task I've been avoiding

Everyone has that one "special area" in their house that becomes a magical, Mary Poppins-esque catch-all spot. I wish there was just one in my apartment (especially since we have only lived here for six months), but alas, there are about five. Most of them will be ignored til we move back to the states, but one area has reached its full capacity, and that one area is Micah's closet. Oh, no! Micah's closet? Do I really have to pack up the clothes that no longer fit? Already? Wasn't she born yesterday?

I organized. I teared up. I bagged up size newborn, three months, and so on, and it just got harder... What is my deal?Memories of the past eight months flooded my mind and heart, and I didn't expect it. I thought it was going to be a quick and easy task, but I was clearly wrong. 

I guess it just means I love this little chatty, mobile bundle more than I can express, and I am grateful that I get to spend each day making memories with her. 

Next time the closet calls, I'll know what to expect. I'm sure I'll cry again... And again... And again. I'm sure this is just the beginning, but I'll embrace each new Mommy moment as it comes. 

How I broke:

As Christians we sometimes feel like we have to conceal our inner struggles. I grew up in the 'Bible Belt', so I got pretty good at this game.* It wasn't until we moved away that I realized I wasn't very good at letting people into my world. I pushed people away by making excuses, marathon training (alone), and hiding behind Kirk. For some reason, I thought it was a good idea to live this way (or maybe I didn't realize the reclusive patterns I created). Then, I moved into Bell Hall, where it is nearly impossible to stay hidden.

I tried. It only lasted about a year before I got really annoyed with myself. It was time to open up and let people see Shelby, even her flaws- HELP! 

I am so thankful for the lessons I learned while Kirk was in seminary. I learned how to be honest and say what was really on my mind. I learned how to have people over anytime of day. I learned how to be available, because they were available.

I will always cherish my time there for these reasons. That part of my life has shaped the way I would like to do ministry- real, open, honest, and in community. 

Being here in Scotland has been a stretching time, but even tonight, as I was tempted to hide my true self from someone, I remembered how freeing it is to open up about my life. It really is freeing, but it's risky. It really is a better way to live, but it's vulnerable. It really is the way God intended it, but it's never easy.

It's worth it. My heart is healthier for it, and I have some of the closest friends I could ever hope for because of it.

Let's be real. Let's stop pretending that we all have it 'together'. I'm actually kinda glad I don't! 

*Bible Belt friends and fam: don't let this statement offend you. That was only intended to highlight some misconceptions I had when I was growing up. It's hard to be open and honest when you're a pastor's kid and when you're trying too hard in your own strength to be a good 'witness'.