How I broke:

As Christians we sometimes feel like we have to conceal our inner struggles. I grew up in the 'Bible Belt', so I got pretty good at this game.* It wasn't until we moved away that I realized I wasn't very good at letting people into my world. I pushed people away by making excuses, marathon training (alone), and hiding behind Kirk. For some reason, I thought it was a good idea to live this way (or maybe I didn't realize the reclusive patterns I created). Then, I moved into Bell Hall, where it is nearly impossible to stay hidden.

I tried. It only lasted about a year before I got really annoyed with myself. It was time to open up and let people see Shelby, even her flaws- HELP! 

I am so thankful for the lessons I learned while Kirk was in seminary. I learned how to be honest and say what was really on my mind. I learned how to have people over anytime of day. I learned how to be available, because they were available.

I will always cherish my time there for these reasons. That part of my life has shaped the way I would like to do ministry- real, open, honest, and in community. 

Being here in Scotland has been a stretching time, but even tonight, as I was tempted to hide my true self from someone, I remembered how freeing it is to open up about my life. It really is freeing, but it's risky. It really is a better way to live, but it's vulnerable. It really is the way God intended it, but it's never easy.

It's worth it. My heart is healthier for it, and I have some of the closest friends I could ever hope for because of it.

Let's be real. Let's stop pretending that we all have it 'together'. I'm actually kinda glad I don't! 

*Bible Belt friends and fam: don't let this statement offend you. That was only intended to highlight some misconceptions I had when I was growing up. It's hard to be open and honest when you're a pastor's kid and when you're trying too hard in your own strength to be a good 'witness'.