So thankful.

I had a "moment" with Micah today when it seemed like time stopped. I was changing her diaper and kissing her sweet face, and then I just stared at her for a few minutes. In that moment, tears began streaming down my face. I can't explain what I felt- I haven't ever felt it before, but I am sure every momma knows what I mean.  I love this girl with more gusto than I knew I had, and I am blown away by the sweet spirit and joyful countenance that she already displays!

What an honor it is to steward this life! What a privilege to watch her grow and change with each passing day!

Thank You, Jesus! Please give us the grace, wisdom, and discernment we need to care for her as You would.

The season is changing here in Scotland, and the days are growing shorter, but when I start to feel hopeless or weary, I remember this little piece of God's heart that I get to hold everyday. Wow...

That's all for today!

London was fun-don!

We had a wonderful time visiting with our close friend Ash in London. When we headed down on the train, it was exciting as we remembered that our trip was free! This was such a special treat, because every bit of the money we saved for exploring around Europe was used during the visa debacle. God provided this fun trip for us along with a great visit with a dear friend and her family.

We arrived in London late Saturday night, and when we got there, I wasn't feeling too well, and Micah had a yucky cough. My first thought when we stepped into Ash's sister's house was maybe we shouldn't have come. I mean, we aren't even officially registered with a doctor, and what if Micah's cough causes her such discomfort that we need emergency help.  But after praying off and on for several hours, we decided to let go and trust The Lord with our precious, coughing baby.  Kirk and I finally rested, because she wasn't wheezing, she was eating fine, and she fell asleep peacefully. In the midst of my crazy new mom anxiety, I was reminded that God loves Micah waaaaay more than I ever could, and He has her little life in His hands.  I realize that this is small potatoes compared to some of the lessons we have yet to learn on our parenting journey-haha! Kirk and I prayed that if we needed to call a doctor, The Lord would give us the discernment we needed. From that point, we slept from about 4:30-7 am, and we were honestly relieved when it was time to get out of bed, because we were tired of the ups and downs that happened throughout the midnight battle between the Sleep/Cough Showdown of 2013!

The morning was relaxed as we woke up to a nice English breakfast made my Ash's brother-in-law. It was interesting chatting with him about his line of work in the police force in London. Apparently there is rarely any gun crime in the whole UK (must be nice). But, there is the occasionally "bum stabbing" that takes place as initiation into local gangs. Now, don't get me wrong, stabbing anyone is horrible, but when I found out the location and the minor injures of the aforementioned stabbing (the hind parts- hehe) I cracked up laughing! I was nervous that I laughed, but was at ease to see Ash's BIL, Liam, laughing, too!  Sometimes you just gotta laugh (or cry) at the crazy things people do!

London was amazing! Some highlights: London Eye, Big Ben, Houses of Parliament, St. James Park and pelican-feedings, Westminster Abbey, Buckingham Palace, and Hamley's toy store. What an amazing way to spend the day! It felt like Christmas! I told Kirk and Ash that I didn't want the day to end! It was seriously one of the best days I have had in a long time!

I'm so thankful that God helped me power through my anxiety/worried-sickness the night before so that we could enjoy the gift He provided for us through this trip. We may not have many more getaways like that during our year here, so we were beyond grateful for such a short and sweet adventure.

Check out some pics from our day:

Piccadilly Circus

Buckingham Palace guard in winter gear (apparently the red jackets aren't warm enough :) )

Westminster Abbey on Remembrance Sunday (a day when the fallen British veterans are honored)

The London Eye

Micah is telling the lego "Queen" what she wants for Christmas.  This picture was taken at the most incredible toy store we have ever seen- Hamley's on Regent Street.  It has 5 stories of eye-poppin' fun!

Ash, our wonderful friend, and her daughter Amirah

Big Ben sang to us

So thankful to have such a beautiful day to explore the city.  Kirk and Micah in front of the parliament building.

Taking a break

Possibly my favorite moment of the day-watching this man feed the pelicans in St. James' Park! 

"I'm flexy and I know it!"

We need God.

I woke up this morning with a bit of a heavy heart. Not because there is anything necessarily bad going on, but because I mourn for those who have been told mixed messages about the nature and character of God, and now they have become jaded. Oh, how I grieve this!
As I read through Facebook and other social media, I am reminded of how many perspectives there are about church, religion, and Jesus himself. The only solution I could arrive at in my heart is that there IS hope and Jesus IS working to draw all men, women, and children to His heart. I'm weary at how hard it is in our society for Him to clear away the noise and confusion that has been caused by... well, I can't even name all the causes.
I feel like His Truth has become relative in our attempts to make His message relevant. I am sad that people don't know how loved and valued they are by the One True Love. I am sad that it seems people (myself included) don't always trust God's Truth and go searching for some other "truth" to find comfort and validation.
I want my friends who (at some point in their lives) have tasted the goodness of The Lord to know that He is not finished pursuing them. I want them to know how His heart breaks for them to sense His TRUE nature- not a man-made gospel that is clothed in good intentions, but still misses the point. I want God's heart to be made known so freely and so lovingly- but this can't happen if we, the Church, continue to make it about us and our programs.
In order for God's name to be made famous, there needs to be a re-wiring amongst those who are unwilling to let Love take us to inconvenient, "yucky" places-places that might make others "think things" about us.
We need God. Everyone needs God. And we need to let God direct our methods of "messaging". May  God give us grace and mercy as we try and try again to keep His Message clear of our muddy one.
May those who are jaded take heart- He WILL finish what He started and He WILL show you an unpolluted version of Himself.

2 Corinthians 4:5-6
For what we preach is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus’ sake.
For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ.

Community

I had a thought just now...

Community (with the Father and others) is the lifeblood that will sustain us during any life change.

The more I engage in the community around me, the more excited I become about the stage of life I am currently in. A few days ago, I found myself constantly wondering what everyone "back at home" was doing, but as I started meeting friends and making plans, my heart made room for more relationships. Letting go is so hard, because there is a fear that sometimes sneaks in, like "they may forget about you" or worse (in my opinion) "they are having fun without you"... Well, I say "lies lies, go away. Come again NEVER!" I'm grateful that He uses times of change to call us out of ourselves and into community. Community, well healthy community, has always been a catalyst for God-nearness in my life, and I know this to be true because of what happens to me when I am tempted to take myself out of it- I can drift into a fearful, despairing person, full of arrogance and a desire to be the best.
I remember when I was trying I qualify for the Boston marathon a few years ago... My goal was so ingrained in my mind that when given an opportunity to run with friends, I often chose not to, because I was too driven by my self-proclaimed purpose. I was hit hard one morning when my two training buddies asked me to run with them. I sensed God's spirit convicting my heart in such a clear way that it was as though He said, "I have given you the ability to run, but I don't want it to be about you. I want you to run in groups so that you can enjoy relationships." Now, I didn't audibly hear these words, but this was the sense that I had as I headed out the door... alone. I continued to run solo several times, and then race day came. Guess who didn't qualify for Boston? You guessed it! Now, hear my heart- I am in no way saying that people are misguided if they have personal dreams and goals that are achieved alone, but I am merely suggesting that it is often difficult to maintain a humble posture if the dream or goal is not implanted by God.
Although I didn't enjoy the feeling of celebration that athletes have after breaking records, I crossed the finish line having learned a valuable lesson about the importance of "doing life" WITH people as opposed to "doing life" parallel to them.
Living in Massachusetts did a number on my independent, self-focused heart, because the hall where we lived was full of couples who were at the same stage of life. It was hard for me to open up the first year living there, because I had marathon-crazy tunnel vision. As our second and third years rolled around, I developed some of the strongest, most valuable relationships I have ever had (aside from you guys, Meggie and Liz). If I could sum up my time there in one word, it would be friends.
Now, we are in Edinburgh, and it's tough to move forward, but I'm beginning to realize that I don't operate very well if I don't make friends. Just this week, we have started attending a small group, and I am making friends with other "mums" here. I am so grateful for the way they have reached out to us! This process is handled more easily with an open heart!

"Enough ness"

Woke up this morning, to a simple revelation- God is pleased with his kids without us doing ANYTHING to deserve it.
This truth is tough for me to grasp, because I sometimes feel I need to DO something to believe I have value. The fact that I spend my days as a "stay at home"/"stay on the go" mom doesn't always feel fulfilling in the way of a accomplishing a certain mission or purpose. But, what a lie!

Just because I recognize it as a lie doesn't mean that I don't wrestle with the tension. As I was reminded of the grace and righteousness ("enough ness") that God freely gives, I thought of this:

Thank You for Your redemption package with no strings attached
What a joy and honor it is to have this gift- a gift that loves to be shared and loves to pour out, but never run out
A love that makes room even when it seems like it's impossible to find space
A love that sees through even the most broken, addicted-to-anything else heart and finds a lonely, hurting child in need of rescue
As the love spills in, the lies, pain, and insecurity are smothered by its powerful flood
What remains?
Complete peace, joy, and a beatiful desire to search after the Source of this wonderful wellspring
Day after day, the flood continues...
Never-ending...
Always giving...
Smothering the dry, cracked, damaged places
Old, dry hearts are new and refreshed
What a transformation!
What an exciting change has been made when this powerful flood enters in!
Believe it, for it is true!
If you're doubtful, that's ok, too!
The Source will reveal itself again and again...
It's pursuit doesn't end-
For its business is to see hearts on the mend.
-------

I'm  grateful that God loves us so perfectly and uniquely. I pray that as we all get to know Him more fully, our hearts will receive His perfect love. May we not be confused- there is nothing that makes us inelligible for it!

Have an awesome day!

Settling into a rhythm

Pattersons at Portobello

Kirk and I have come to the realization that even though we missed each other terribly while we were apart, we still have to adjust to the patterns that we both established seperately during this past month. He had days that were baby free and could focus on his work for as long as possible, and I had every one of Micah's grandparents to lean on daily. So, we are here now, and it is a beautiful thing- it is just taking some time to figure out our "roles" (I don't really like that word, because it doesn't usually attach itself to grace) as I stay with Micah through the day and Kirk is at school. I am also noticing that God has a purpose beyond school for us to be here. We are being refined and drawn closer to Him and each other on a regular basis. We are consistently evaluating our motives and our focus to ensure that neither one of us operate with an independent heart. It's a weird balancing act that cannot be attempted outside of God's spirit, because in an effort to work in step with Kirk and his busy school schedule, I have to be mindful of my tendency to be too dependent (on him) for affirmation and attention. Like I said, without grace, this would be like shoving elephants into a straw!
Our focus this week is to simply enjoy being together, being completely honest (which I admit is a toughy), and settling in without unrealistic expectations of ourselves and each other. Thank you, Jesus for guiding this process!

The adventures continue as we explore Edinburgh and the surrounding areas. Yesterday, Micah and I traveled into the city centre and enjoyed the national gallery, library and museum. It was a FULL day, but since she is so portable, I'm milking it (and she is milking me...Kirk's addition to the blog)!

Today, the three of us walked about 2 miles down the road to Portobello Beach, which reminds me quite a bit of Hampton Beach, NH, where my mom grew up. They have a nice promenade, which was quite entertaining due to the witty banter between locals and their families :) gotta love the Scottish sense of humor!  There are art shops, coffee shops, and attractions for all ages, so this will probably be a frequent stop for us.

At the beach, we were excited to see that there is a Scottish equivalent to a New England favorite-the cider donut, and we tried it as we set beside the beach. They serve these little "crumbs" with Nutella as a dip- super yummy!

It was such a great family day, and I'm pumped to have more of them!

Daddy/Daughter love

Cider donuts and Nutella dip

Adventures with Little MG

 We have had two beautiful, mostly sunny days in Edinburgh since being back, and I have to say it is just what we need to get acquainted with our new "home".  Today, before setting out to have lunch and a walk in the Princes Street Gardens, I sat at one of my new favorite cozy coffee shops, drank my Earl Grey tea, and watched Micah sleep.  The one word that kept coming to my mind as I savored the peaceful moment was contentment.  I have been told numerous "you can learn a lot from your children".  I just wasn't aware that it would start when they were four months old!  She has been dragged across the Atlantic ocean three times, taken all over Tennessee, Massachusetts, and New Hampshire, and she manages to do it all through naps, laughs, occasional cries, playtime and feedings. 
I know she hasn't had a choice in the matter, but she has been one consistent blessing to Kirk and me through the many transitions we have encountered.  This is not my attempt at bragging about my baby, though she is pretty amazing :) - It is simply a realization that she can go with the flow of the day, without a set routine (yet), and she is getting what she needs in the midst of it all.  Whoa!  That can preach!  To all of us moms (or anyone else, really) who find it hard to "go with the flow" because of a need to maintain control, take courage (or comfort, or whatever) in this thought- Our Father is pretty good at giving us what we need.  I do not aim to talk as though I am a preschool Sunday School teacher who is patting kiddos on the back and cheering them on.  I truly believe that He is watching out for His kids, and that He is here-with us-to bring peace through uncertainty, change, heartache, loneliness, health issues... all of it.  He's here and He is much better at taking care of our colorful, though often messy, lives than we are. My favorite passage touches on this very thing:

 

Psalm 91 (taken from Bible Gateway)

¹ Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High
    will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.^[a]
2 I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
    my God, in whom I trust.”

³ Surely he will save you
    from the fowler’s snare
    and from the deadly pestilence.
⁴ He will cover you with his feathers,
    and under his wings you will find refuge;
    his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
⁵ You will not fear the terror of night,
    nor the arrow that flies by day,
⁶ nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
    nor the plague that destroys at midday.
⁷ A thousand may fall at your side,
    ten thousand at your right hand,
    but it will not come near you.
⁸ You will only observe with your eyes
    and see the punishment of the wicked.

⁹ If you say, “The Lord is my refuge,”
    and you make the Most High your dwelling,
¹⁰ no harm will overtake you,
    no disaster will come near your tent.
¹¹ For he will command his angels concerning you
    to guard you in all your ways;
¹² they will lift you up in their hands,
    so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
¹³ You will tread on the lion and the cobra;
    you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

¹⁴ “Because he^[b] loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him;
    I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
¹⁵ He will call on me, and I will answer him;
    I will be with him in trouble,
    I will deliver him and honor him.
¹⁶ With long life I will satisfy him
    and show him my salvation.”

View of "Old Town" from Princes Street Gardens

Another view from the gardens.  Edinburgh Castle is in the background. 

Bundled up and loving the day!

Thanks for the teachable moment, MG!  May His peace keep us all steady, hopeful, and in "go with the flow" mode.  And when we forget to let Him do it, may we take a huge grace bath and keep on goin'!